


Hurting

by AmeliaLetter



Category: One Direction (Band)
Genre: Angst, Band Fic, Celebrities, Comfort, Hurt, Hurt/Comfort, M/M, One Shot, RPF, Romance, Self-Harm
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2013-01-19
Updated: 2013-01-19
Packaged: 2017-11-26 03:18:55
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,417
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/645977
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/AmeliaLetter/pseuds/AmeliaLetter
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Niall has been doing this since the summer. Since their first year anniversary as a band. He's not depressed or anxious, he's missing something... or rather someone.</p><div class="center">
  <p><br/><i>Lights will guide you home</i><br/>And ignite your bones<br/>And I will try to fix you</p>
  <p>Ziall one-shot</p>
</div>
            </blockquote>





	Hurting

**Author's Note:**

> So this was the second 1D fanfiction I ever wrote :) Enjpy!

Niall sat in the washroom of his flat, silent, not moving, not speaking. He closed his eyes and took a deep breath, trying to compose himself, but failing as the smallest tear rolled down his face. He opened his eyes and stared down at his forearm, the old scars blurry behind the tears welling up in his eyes. His hand shook as he reached for the razor on the countertop.

And as he entered a world of what seemed like bliss, he swore he'd never do this again.

Just like last time, and the time before that, and the time before that...

~.~.~.~

There was a loud knock on the flat door and Niall groaned as he rolled onto the other side of the bed and covered his head with a pillow, trying to block out the noise.

"Niall! Get up!" Liam's voice resonated form the other side of the door. "We have an interview in three hours!"

"Leave me alone!" Niall shouted in his pillow.

He could practically feel Liam rolling his eyes as he said, "I don't have time for this, we need to leave so get up and get dressed."

Niall groaned once more as he rolled out of bed and randomly slipped on some clothes. He dragged his feet to the door of his flat and opened it to see Liam standing there and Zayn coming up behind him. When he saw the older boy, Niall was ready to shut the door and go back to sleep.

"Finally, what's taking you so long?" Liam asked irritably.

"There are many other things I'd rather do than wake up," Niall muttered.

"Like?" Zayn asked.

"Sleep," Niall replied with a smirk.

Zayn laughed and Liam let a smile slip through as they walked out of the flat and downstairs to the car waiting to drive them to the studio where they were having their interview.

Niall pulled the jacket he was wearing closely to him and zipped it up to the top. It was a bad idea to cut last night with the interview today. He never did it before big events because someone would figure it out too easily. Why had he been so stupid?

 _Calm down_ , he told himself, _most likely, you'll be allowed to wear your jacket during the interview._ He walked up to the car and hopped in beside Zayn.

 _Oh, of all people_ , Niall thought to himself.

Through the whole drive, Niall felt ready to throw himself out the car window. He'd make a show of laughing so the boys wouldn't realize something was wrong, but something was most definitely wrong.

Arriving at the studio where they were to do their interview was bittersweet for him. He was out of the car and away from Zayn, but now he'd have to sit through a whole interview and act like his usual cheery self.

Niall felt a strong hand clasp his shoulder and almost jumped out of his skin. "You all right?" he heard the familiar voice ask. "You've been acting a bit weird all morning." Zayn's voice sent chills and shivers up his spine and it took all of Niall's will power to make sure his knees wouldn't buckle.

"Yeah, I'm fine," replied Niall. "Just didn't sleep well."

Zayn smiled and walked ahead of him. Niall closed his eyes and took a deep breath. This wasn't a big deal. He could handle a little interview.

~.~.~.~

"Ah! Here's the shirt!" a female voice from the other side of Niall's changing room door yelled as a t-shirt fell on his head. Niall shifted a bit so the t-shirt fell off him as he continued to stare at his forearm.

The scars were actually on the inside of his bicep, which was easy enough to hide. Even if he didn't have a jacket, he could still do it. He was just afraid that he might look like he was trying to hide something and someone would notice something was up.

Niall gently ran his fingers over the scars on his forearm that were nearly faded and white. His fingers trailed up to the fresh ones from last night on his upper arms. He looked away from the mirror in front of him and down at the ground when the door opened and he was startled so much that he backed against the wall.

"What are you doing?" he yelled before he got a good look at who burst into his changing room.

"I just needed-hey..." he recognized Zayn's voice immediately. He looked up to find Zayn frowning and closing the door behind him. He reached towards Niall and Niall hid his arm out of instinct.

"What? What do you need?" he asked nervously.

"What was that?" Zayn asked, ignoring Niall's question. "What's on your arm?"

"Nothing, nothing is on my arm," Niall replied.

"Then show me your arm," Zayn demanded quietly and gently.

Niall stared at him for a while longer and then slowly showed Zayn his left arm. Zayn rolled his eyes.

"Oh come on Niall, you think I'm an idiot?" he asked. After a pause he added, "Your other arm, Niall."

Niall hesitated. No, not now, he couldn't show him. This was the last thing he had expected and Zayn was the last person he wanted to find out about this. But then he realized he didn't have much of a choice. He took a deep breath and removed his arm from behind him and showed it to Zayn. Zayn shook his head slightly.

"Oh Niall..."

"Zayn? Where are you?" Harry's voice passed by the changing room.

Zayn looked up at Niall. "We're going to talk after the interview."

~.~.~.~

Once they had gotten back home, Niall got out of the car as fast as he could and locked himself in his flat. He walked over to his kitchen and stood over the sink trying to hold back his tears. This was not good. He already knew Zayn was at the door before he knocked. Niall didn't move.

"Niall," Zayn called. "Don't make me wait out here all night."

Niall didn't say anything. He heard the door open.

"You should stop leaving the key under your mat if you don't want people to get in."

Niall sighed to himself. He felt Zayn approach him and grasp his shoulder. Neither moved or said anything for a moment.

"Niall... this isn't okay, you know?" Zayn said softly. "What's wrong? You're always laughing, I don't know what to think. Help me out here!"

"I'm not depressed," Niall stated.

Zayn gave him a skeptical look. "Then what do you call it?"

Niall looked up at him, hurt. He was immediately thrown off by how close Zayn was. "It hurts, did you know?"

"What? The cutting?" Zayn asked.

"No," Niall replied. He looked away. "Being ignored. Adored by so many, but ignored by the one person whose attention you absolutely want."

"Niall, I don't understand," Zayn said. "I've never seen you like this."

Niall looked back up at Zayn and after a long pause said, so quietly that Zayn wouldn't have heard if he wasn't standing right next to him, "You. You're the reason I do this."

Zayn was taken aback. "What?"

"I..." Niall started, his voice a hoarse whisper. "I think... I think I fell for you."

There was quiet. Unbearable quiet. Not a sound, not a movement, not anything. It was like neither of them knew what to say after that.

But then Niall felt something. It felt like that amazing feeling you get when you lie in bed after a long day, like chocolate ice cream in the summer, and like hot chocolate after a cold day in the snow. It felt like there were little electric sparks dancing on his lips. Zayn was kissing him.

Zayn pulled Niall closer to him and Niall wrapped his arms around the older boy's neck, pulling him even closer and deepening the kiss. They stumbled a bit, and then Niall was turned and his back was leaning against the counter behind him. He felt Zayn's hands play with the hem of his shirt and then sneak underneath, tracing meaningless patterns on his skin.

Niall's own hands had sneaked up Zayn's shirt when Zayn pulled away. He kept Niall close, their foreheads resting against each other. Zayn looked into Niall's blue eyes with a great intensity and a hint of lust. "Never do something so stupid again," Zayn whispered.

"Promised," Niall replied just as quietly. "Now kiss me, you fool."

**Author's Note:**

> I appreciate any feedback and/or kudos. Thanks for reading! :)


End file.
